A few days ago, I read a short post in the fediverse, saying something like: „Don’t compare yourself to others. If you’re better today than you were yesterday, that’s all that counts.“
It was meant to be encouraging and positive, and yes, not comparing yourself to other people and their achievements can certainly help if you want to feel good or at least good enough about yourself.
However, this post bothered me and at first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but now I have an idea what I found uncomfortable and I wanted to share my thoughts with you since I have a feeling that some of my readers and friends certainly can relate.
When I was studying for my postgraduate diploma in music therapy, we were looking at the concept of „good enough parent“ and how this could and should be transferred to therapy and how we shouldn’t be too strict with ourselves when a therapy session wasn’t perfect – our goal shouldn’t be to be „perfect therapists“ but „good enough therapists“. The idea of this concept is that no human being is perfect and that every relationship can take a few cuts and bruises if, overall, the experience is „good enough“. I found this very reassuring but also must admit that my inner perfectionist is still very strong and can be quite loud and critical.
When you have such a prominent inner perfectionist and you’re trying to become more gentle with yourself and working on being „good enough“, advice like the above-mentioned post can more or less catch you on the hop (or on the wrong foot). Sometimes it’s hard work to just be and not rate or rank your personal growth. It’s not even necessary to make daily assessments of yourself (unless you want to, of course). People are different and while some might find this helpful, others might not, and both is alright and totally fine.
There is nothing wrong with you if you just spend a day or two or a week or two or a month… just „being“. Too much pressure, too much striving for perfection, too much self-optimisation can, in my experience, be as harmful as the above-mentioned comparison with others.
There’s time to grow and there’s time to just sit back and relax. Especially when you have a lot on your plate already. We’re living in challenging times and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed every now and then.
There are people who might tell you to learn to dance in the storm, but as someone who has been blown away by a difficult situation and has needed months to come back to my old self, I’d like to say that hiding under your favourite blanket while the storm lasts is also an option.
We all have different ideas of what we need and what makes us feel good and whole. If you’re one of those people who benefit from knowing that they’re better today than the day before, that’s great. Above-mentioned fediverse post is for you! If you’re one of those people who are overwhelmed by the thought of having to do or be something, then the fediverse post probably isn’t for you. But maybe something I said in this blog might be helpful.
Disclaimer: I’m speaking from my own experience and don’t possess comprehensive wisdom. I mentioned my education in music therapy, but I’m not writing this post in a professional capacity. You might have different experiences and opinions and that’s what makes our lives so interesting.